Let's face the facts of life, shall we? Gambling is fun! The smarter you play, the longer you can play and the more likely are your chances of hitting the big one. The casinos are trying to get your money and you are trying to get theirs. Give yourself the best opportunity you can by following a few simple rules.

1) Know your machine! Take a moment to understand the payouts and the number of coins necessary to hit them.

2) Make sure the payout you receive is correct. Machines do make mistakes!

3) If you play a machine with a progressive payout, always play the maximum number of coins.

4) If you play regularly, don't forget the IRS. Your wins can be deducted against your losses. Keep records.

5) Allocate your bankroll to fit your trip. Be sensible with your new love.

6) When you hit a large jackpot, put most of it aside. Play within your bankroll.

7) Join the slot clubs. The expense of your trip can be offset by the comps you can receive as a player.

8) Don't carry large amounts of cash. Use the casino cage. It's like a bank.

9) Watch your belongings, while you are engaged in playing, others are engaged in stealing.

10) Enjoy yourself, but like driving a car, you'll do better sober.

11) Ask the casino employees for information and help. They will be glad to give it. If not, there are many other places to stay and gamble.

Now I hear you saying, "that's all fine and dandy, but which machine is the best and where can I find it? Well, to tell you the truth, I really don't know, but there are some guidelines to follow while you're going down the yellow brick road.

First: Don't play at the dry cleaners or the car wash or the airport. You're a captive audience and they are sure to take advantage of that fact. And if you gotta go, you can't stand around waiting for the change people to arrive

Second: The best odds are probably where the locals play. These casinos survive on repeat business. They get it by catering to the players and giving them a fair gamble for the money.

Third: The fancier the casino, the higher the overhead and let's guess who is going to pay for that. The machines in a megaresort are going to keep a higher percentage of your money.

Fourth: The machines at the end of a row next to a major aisle-way are often set loose in order to attract attention. Try these machines first.

Fifth: Make friends with the change girls and slot personnel. They make their living from tips, and they know which machines payoff better than others. Use their knowledge.

Sixth: The casino makes money because of volume. The smaller denomination of coin that you play, the larger the percent of the money the house is going to hold. A nickel machine takes up as much room as a dollar machine. However, it takes a great deal more time for the casino to make a profit on the five-cent machine and therefore they can be more generous and give the player a better "deal" or percentage on the dollar machine.

Seventh: the machines that hit are always the ones you just left.

Every slot machine is programmed to hold a certain percentage of the money that flows through it. If the percentage is set, for instance, on 85% return, for every $100 put through the machine, it will return to the player $85 out of that hundred on average. It will retain $15. Nice profit! Therefore you want to play the machines returning as much as possible to the player. A machine that retains less than 5% is where you want to start.

These machines have no memory! Do not believe that a machine has to hit because it consumed a great deal of money and now has to burp. If a machine fails to pay off after a fair try, move on! Find a new machine! Do not allow the relationship between you and a machine to become personal!