OFF THE SHELF

Wednesday, August 30, 2000
Copyright © CasinoGaming.com

OFF THE SHELF

What If ...
Casino Scenarios to Dream About When in Las Vegas

By Howard Schwartz

     Everyone once in a while I get into a "what if?" type of mood that's all about improving the experiences of casino visitors who deserve more and often don't know how to get it.

     So here are some "what ifs" or scenarios (situations) I ponder (and you might too), for if change for the better is to occur‹whether here or anywhere casino gambling exists -- it is the consumer who must "rock to boat" to demand more and get it:

     WHAT IF casinos saved millions on changing their names, changing their stationary, business cards, office designs, had less meetings ("she's or he's away from his desk") and spent that wasted money on making customers happy -- greeting them everywhere, offering comps spontaneously, as a surprise, with a smile.

     WHAT IF every time a customer made a suggestion that helped a casino's profit margin or saved the casino time or made that casino more friendly or efficient, that specific customer got a certificate worth $25 or $50 in meals or an upgrade? Think of thousands of customers brainstorming -- and the elimination of useless outside consultants.

     WHAT IF casinos had a policy of letting customers see their rooms before they paid for them -- to see how roomy, clean, classy they were -- rather than saying, "here's your room, like it or lump it, just pay on time."

     WHAT IF casinos put slots in the restrooms? Would you play? What would happen if your roll of quarters broke open and spilled under other stalls? Who would keep the buttons and handles of the machines spotless? Would friends and relatives of those who "had to go" get worried and ask casino personnel to search for these people after an hour? How would jackpots be paid off? What if a coin got stuck? Believe it or not, restrooms in the old days of Las Vegas at some hotels did have slots in them I've been told.

     WHAT IF someone had blackjack basic strategy or a counting technique tattooed on some part of his or her body -- back, arm, etc., and referred to it during play? Would a casino demand the player bandage it up or claim the player was "being assisted artificially" (like having a computer strapped to their waist?.

     WHAT IF all hotel buffets had a nice, accurate, readable list of what was being offered inside that day or time of day -- wouldn't that help us all decide whether we want to wait on line or eat there?

     WHAT IF casino challenged all those with extra sensory perception (ESP) to put up or shut up once and for all? Here is the way it could work: It's winner take all situation or an ESP "decathlon" of events. All the ESP claimers put up $1,000 in cash themselves‹maybe the casinos would provide matching funds‹some of it to go to charityŠanyway, let's say there are five events‹craps, roulette, slots, sports betting and the Big Six wheel to top it off. Those who claim they have ESP or PK (psychokinesis‹mind over matter -- the ability to move objects -- like a roulette ball, the dice, a slot machine reel, etc.) can enter one or all events. Hopefully there would be 50 people involved, and a "referee" like the Amazing Randi or some sharp-eyed casino surveillance personnel looking for magnets and the like, so it's fair and square. Let the ESP claimers get say six straight decisions‹six straight passes; six straight roulette numbers; six straight football games or six exact Big Six wheel decisions. It'd be fascinating -- plenty of TV coverage of course and thousands watching. Any promotion-minded casino personnel out there willing to take a chance?