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Maryann Guberman has been a writer and editor with many gaming publications, including Sports Form, Card Player, Poker World, Player's Panorama and Systems and Methods. She also has written and edited numerous books on gambling.

Oct. 13, 2007

Learn to Play Poker, Please!

Years back when I lived in Los Angeles and worked in Hollywood, I spent a lot of weekends at Santa Anita and Hollywood Park where I enjoyed handicapping, watching and wagering on the races. My spouse and I usually met with friends and folks with like interests in the clubhouse area where we could find more elbow room, a great view of the finish line and better access to betting windows. I studied every race like a botanist dissecting a rare plant. I was very picky about how much I wagered since I allotted only a certain amount of money per race day. Sometimes I'd use it all up by the last race; sometimes I'd have some of it left over after finding only a couple of races to bet; once in a while I'd book a nice winner.

I remember thinking that most of the people we hung with, among them a couple of minor celebrities, a car salesman, a realtor and his girlfriend, were crazy. They couldn't pass up a race, even when they had trouble finding an outstanding runner. They bet the exotics and would be upset if they arrived late and missed the first half of the daily double. They boxed their exactas and backed up their doubles by wheeling one or two horses in the first race to the entire list in the secondÑand vice versa.

They never saw a race they didn't like.

They were, I realize, a lot like some of today's hold'em and Omaha players who never see a hand they don't like.

Don't get me wrong. I love competing against people who have to call ever bet and then give up on the turn, or who call at the river just to keep me honest. No way am I going to interrupt their contribution to my bankroll at the table to tell them how foolish they are. (Remember, from day one, I've maintained my position. I don't give poker lessons.) I know a lot of you earned their poker degrees from TV instead of from the University of Experience, and I see at least one of you every time I play. You make you wonder why you would watch a few poker tournaments and then conclude that you could do that. Are you the kind of person who would watch Trauma: Life in the ER on The Learning Channel and deduce you could save lives by inserting a chest tube into a person with a collapsed lung? Do you watch the Metal Mulisha do those breathtaking Moto X sports flights and rush out to build their own backyard jumps?

I think not. But I'm willing to guess you are the same kind of person who, after a few brews, would get up in front of a bunch of strangers and belt out your version of Sinatra's My Way at a karaoke fest.

All kidding aside, it begs the point that if you want to do something well, if you want to do it right, so you will last and so you will have a measurable amount of enjoyment from it, why take risks you don't have to?

If you are going to emulate the pros on the poker tour, at least wait until the game basics are second nature to you, especially because what you don't know is this: A lot (and I mean A LOT) of those big-money tournament winners go broke within a year. And they continue to lose until they finally wise upÑsome never do--and learn to play real poker.

Why would I tell you how to improve your game? I'm telling you first because you're driving me crazy at the table (even though I'm beating you more than you're beating me) and second because if you go broke, deeply broke, you won't come back anymore.

So, after you finish contributing to the pot that I'm raking in as I prepare to head home for the evening, you go home. Read a book or two; practice with some softwareÑone that keeps track of the number of hands you play. In a casino you get 30- 40 hands an hour so slow yourself down on the computer to match that; otherwise, figure to play at a pace of about 100 hands per hour. Once you've put in several hours, check your stats. If you're playing more than 22% of your hands, you're contributing! Slow down. Be more selective. You can get creative later, after you know what you are doing. Test yourself at low limits first. (Remember, if you can survive the low limits without going nuts, you will definitely have what it takes to survive the real green felt wars.).

After you've done all that, come on back to the game. I'd like to see if I can beat you then!