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Maryann Guberman has been a writer and editor with many gaming publications, including Sports Form, Card Player, Poker World, Player's Panorama and Systems and Methods. She also has written and edited numerous books on gambling.

Sep. 22, 2007

How Did We Get Where We Are?

In days gone by, when we were younger, more idealistic and more impressionable, we looked at the world with optimism and hope. We believed our elected officials were fair minded and would fight for our rights even if they disagreed with their own personal spiritual paths or party affiliation. We believed if we obeyed the laws, treated others with respect, and basically lived an honest life, the future would welcome us with open, friendly arms and we would be rewarded with a pleasant existence.

Sounds a bit like a Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy, the Saturday Night Live skit with this voice spouting bogus inspirational messages over a backdrop of bucolic nature scenes, doesn't it?

This is how a lot of people grew up. It wasn't until we realized the world didn't revolve around our parents that we began to question what was taught to us, either on purpose or by example. In our second spurt of growth we suddenly realized the world didn't revolve around us and that's probably when we started to become what we are today

Our poker persona didn't start when we picked up our first two hole cards or our first set of personalized cheques. Phil Hellmuth didn't become a crybaby overnight; Mike Matasow didn't earn his nickname (The Mouth) recently; Maureen Fedundiak didn't wake up one day and decide to be a perfectly charming woman, Annie Duke didn't learn to be in control last week.

Our poker persona is merely a reflection of that important rite of passage that formed it, whether that happened the day we saw our priest kissing a parishioner, overheard our fourth-grade teacher revealing she had a favorite student or heard our elected mayor spout off some obvious disinformation. On the positive side, our poker persona also reflects the impressionable day we were praised for getting a good report card, cheered for kicking a game-winning goal, or rewarded for returning lost property.

I sometimes think the poker players who are the toughest are the ones who have had the most emotional upheaval in their upbringing. But then, I don't know all the tough players and I surely don't know what kind of upbringing most of them had.

What I do know, however, is that if you are unhappy with your poker game overall, maybe you need to look at how you came to be unhappy.

I'm not talking about dissatisfaction with a long losing streak. I'm focusing on all the hard work and effort you put into trying to make a profit from poker. If you're sure you studied as much as possible and you haven't been winning, maybe it's merely a reflection of your personal life. You could be timid and lacking courage to carry through your convictions; you could be overly aggressive, tending to make snap decisions; you might be a creative person who doesn't do well with things that have to be memorized.

Pick a personality trait. It doesn't matter. Whatever it is, wherever it came from, it will affect your poker game, just as it affects every other aspect of your daily life.

Maybe, just maybe, that's why you can't handle a bad beat without blowing up or a losing streak without lamenting about it. Maybe that's why you're not a consistent winner.

The question and dialogue have been posted here in the past, several times, in fact but last week the subject came up in what became a rather heated discussion with one individual believing vehemently that we cannot change. "People," he argued, "Are what they are, period. They don't change."

Okay, to an extent that's true and it's the rationale we use to explain why you don't marry someone to change them. But, barring some serious mental or hormonal deficiency, people can change their personality and even alter the parts of that personality that might have been shaped by genetics.

Psychologist Scott Wetzler refers to this concept as trading up and believes the key to change lies "not so much in changing your circumstances as in learning to identify the parts of yourself that you don't like -- and then compensating for those character traits." (http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/107/108401.htm?pagenumber=3)

Now it won't necessarily be easy but it can be done. Just as quitting smoking isn't easy, it can be done if the goal is there and the path is followed.

Wetzler compares it all to sailing. "You can't expect to make radical changes in the steering, but over time, one or two degrees of change can put you on an entirely different course."

So, don't despair. Look at your poker game and think about it. Try to figure out if your own personality has put pitfalls and danger signs in your way, and whether or not you are ignoring them. When you resolve to change, you will find the means to make it happen.

At that point, we won't need to wish you good luck when you sit down to play poker.