POCKET ACES

A Million Little Pieces (of Poker)

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm giving up online poker.

Strike that. Rewrite. Clarify. Let's start with a more inclusive statement.

I don't know about the rest of you who blog, chronicle, report, or advise others about the virtues of online poker but I am giving it up - the poker-playing part, not the writing. I'll admit it. I'm a coward. I shiver at the thought that men in black or at least big hulking guys in SWAT uniforms carrying guns that could wipe out a village might someday soon descend on my tiny abode, taze my Jack Russell and seize my hard drive while searching for the big bucks I might be siphoning from online poker rooms via Firepay and Neteller.

True. I'm actually shivering at the thought of being handcuffed, searched, and herded out into a waiting police van, dozens of flashbulbs creating daylight at dawn, while the neighbors shake their heads in confused wonder, whispering thoughts about what kind of heinous crime I might have committed.

It took me years to yield to the fact that it was okay to play online at three in the morning, especially since it was almost impossible to find a game in Vegas at that time of day, particularly at my meager stakes level. I wrestled with the fears of being cheated, with the concern about not getting paid (fat chance since I ended up depositing all the time), and trepidation about being run over by sharps just looking to steal my fifty-cent blinds.

But I did it and damned if I didn't enjoy it. Now everyone knows I'm not an expert player. I don't make a living playing poker; I don't even supplement my income by playing poker. The game is my recreation, and it's especially good in the baking hot summer months when Mother Nature is too overwhelming to explore the desert surrounds.

Earlier fears dissipated and the last think on my mind through all this was the intimidation factor of the law, the government that I helped elect.

Still, it occurs to me that simply by putting my name on articles about online poker games, I could be incriminating myself, thus setting myself up for the big bust, a visit to the slammer, face-to-face with hardened crack dealers, murderers, and three-strike criminals.

Listen, I'm serious here. Sure, I am (was) a small-time offender, but I believe (I'll have to find a lawyer to clarify this) that putting my online experiences in writing and making it available to the public could be construed as evidence of guilt.

Why am I worried about this? Truth be told, there's an awful lot of worry going around right now, what with the arrest of David Caruthers, ( BetonSports), Peter Dicks (Party Poker exec.) and now the raid on the home of San Antonio's Richard Lee, sixth-place finisher at this year's World Series of Poker championship event. I can't report on any of the charges or arrests (if any) because I'm not privy to that kind of information and I surely don't want to misreport anything. ... but let's be realistic. It's absolutely impossible for authorities in every jurisdiction to go after everyone in the United States who is placing bets over the Internet, the next best thing might be to get the movers and shakers of the industry and lock them up.

Take a look at the home base of any of your online opponents. If one out of ten opponents at the table comes from some country other than the U.S. I'll be surprised. How can that be policed?

I don't know the answer, of course, but I'm working on it.

I hope I'm taking this too far but just in case, here's my disclaimer: Everything I've ever said about my playing online has been fabricated to some extent as it will be in all future articles. While I might have lurked around the rooms, more or less spying on others and pretending I'm them, I haven't actually done what they've done. None of the people I've written about are real. They're smoke and mirror composites of my imagination, as they will be in all future articles. From here on, it's all theory!