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Bob Dancer writes a video poker column for beginners to experts. He also writes a column with Jeffrey Compton, "Player's Edge", featuring information on promotions at various Las Vegas casinos. Player's Edge is published each Friday in the Neon section of the Las Vegas Review-Journal. Click here to send Bob Dancer an e-mail.

For more details and a schedule of Bob's free classes, visit www.bobdancer.com.

Oct 07, 2008

Killing for Deuces

Although I live in the Las Vegas area today, for the first 46 years of my life I lived in or around Los Angeles. I live and die with the Lakers.

Game 4 of this year's NBA Finals was particularly tough on me. At one point the Lakers were 24 points ahead and they ended up losing the game. It was awful.

Later that evening, at about 11:15 p.m., I went to play at a local pub. (Which specific one is my secret.) Starting after eleven is important because that's when the bartenders change shifts. At pubs, since there are a maximum of fifteen games in the entire place, bartender tips are MUCH higher than they are in casinos. If I start at 10:30, I'll have to tip an extra $10 or $20 to the outgoing bartender. Although I'm a favorite on the game I'm playing there, I don't want to "waste" this money.

Plus, on this night of the week, "Robin" is the swing-shift bartender --- and I'd just as soon not see her tonight. Robin is a nice enough lady, but she was raised in Boston and is a HUGE fan of all things Bostonian. When "her" Patriots started out 19-0 she was unbearable. When the Red Sox won last year, she was impossible. And with the Celtics doing so well all season long ... well you get the idea.

Plus, her Celtics had just made a comeback for the ages against my Lakers. The wound was too fresh and I didn't want to hear her gloat about it. But she was still there finishing up when I arrived, so I had to deal with it.

"If you say a word about tonight's game I'll have to kill you," was the greeting I gave her, "but if you can avoid talking about that I just heard a Bostonian pun that I think you'll like."

She came over to hear the joke, as did "Mark," the bartender just starting.

"Who was the tallest U.S. president?" I asked.

"Abraham Lincoln?" Robin guessed.

"No," I answered, "he was shot."

Robin is laughing heartily and Mark is totally befuddled. "Is that it? I don't get it."

I explained that in Boston the words "short" and "shot" are pronounced the same way and that's what made the pun. Mark still didn't think it was very funny. Robin said her goodbyes and left and I settled in for a night. I was playing a 10-coin version of $5 Deuces Wild Bonus poker. Needless to say it was a favorable pay schedule or I wouldn't be there.

About three hours into my play, I was dealt a $50,000 royal flush! Pretty spectacular, actually. I also hit a $10,000 set of deuces that night. All in all it was my best result in June.

A week later I show up again at 11:15 p.m. Although my Lakers had been crushed by 39 points the night before, I had had a while to get over it. When Robin greeted me with a, "No death threats tonight?" I told her I was fine.

She congratulated me on being dealt the royal the week before --- on the same night as the earlier death threat. I denied that it was any kind of a death threat. "Merely fair warning," I told her.

About two minutes later, however, I was dealt three deuces along with two unrelated cards. In fun I called Robin over. I told her that since death threats seemed to bring out good luck for me, and I really wanted to get the fourth deuce perhaps I should threaten her again. (I didn't believe this garbage for a second. But still, fun is fun.)

Robin got into it. "I suppose I have to say something to deserve the death threat. How about, ‘The Celtics are the best basketball team ever in the whole wide world!!'"

"Die Robin!" I shouted while I hit the button. I promptly drew the three of hearts and the nine of spades. Damn. Just the minimum.

There were about ten other customers in the bar when this happened. You can bet all ten heads perked up and looked in my direction trying to figure out what the commotion was. When Robin, Mark, and I were all laughing about this, they figured that whatever it was was no big deal so they went back to their own games.

Mathematically this was not a smart thing for me to do. Screaming for Robin to die didn't improve my chances in the slightest to connect on four deuces, but if I hit them ($10,000 or $20,000 depending on whether the fifth card was an ace) it would definitely increase my "tip liability."

Still, this was only a 2-in-47 chance to lose $50, for an expected loss of slightly more than two bucks. It was fun. We all had a laugh. And since I'm a winning player there, I have to do something to keep the bartenders on my side. I don't want them suggesting to the owner that I'm winning too much. It's better if they're my friends.

So while mathematically it wasn't a smart play, longevity-wise it was brilliant. Both of the bartenders had a good laugh. In the next few weeks, several other players came up and laughed with me about the story, so I guess the bartenders enjoyed telling others. I've never had such positive effects out of a death threat!